what’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?
i hate this i hate u
You can’t convince me this raccoon isn’t elegantly playing the deepest sonata you’ll ever hear on a avant garde harp
get to know me meme: [4/10] current celebrity crushes → Natalie Dormer
"Perfect is very boring, and if you happen to have a different look, that’s a celebration of human nature, I think. If we were all symmetrical and perfect, life would be very dull."
so the saddest shortest story is attributed to hemingway:
"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."
and this came to me at breakfast and i thought it was hilarious.
pls don’t ruin hemingway for me.
no i will continue to do that
a hilarious joke
three cats are competing in a race. there’s an american cat named “one two three”, a german cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a french cat named “un deux trois”. the cats all swim across a lake. the american cat finishes first, the german cat finishes second, but the french cat is nowhere to be found.
because the un deux trois quatre cinq
IM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THIS JOKE IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU
I made an old lady blush today at work because she ordered two senior coffees and I said “SENIOR ? I’m sorry miss, i’m going to have to ask to see some ID.” and she covered her mouth and went “Oh dear me” and couldn’t stop smiling
Anonymous said: your husband seems like a dick kill him. also does ghosts still exist?
he is a dick and killing him is on my list, but he’s attractive so i’m going to get one more kid out of him
i’m not sure on the ghost front, i guess we’ll find out after i kill my husband and put his gravestone in my backyard
YOU NEED TO MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS THAT THIS IS ABOUT THE SIMS
- book ginny: keep your head in the game, potter! *hits him with bludger*
- movie ginny: *awkwardly ties harry's shoelace for no apparent reason*